07 February 2006

Dr Will and The Globalization World Tour - Stop #1

Having liberated most of the developed world with his in-your-face, get-with-the-program therapy, Dr. Will decided to embark upon a quest to offer his unique brand of services to the rest of the globe. He figured that if the North could use his support, the poorer, more desperate South might respond to his aid even more. Dr. Will convinced himself that he was destined to reach all of those in need, considering how well-intended, well-received and well-off he had become in the past few years.

First stop: Honduras.

The setting for Dr. Will’s reception in this country was a newly constructed outdoor amphitheatre build from native old growth trees from the Amazon just for his visit.  Nearly 3000 people turned out for this makeshift, self-help retreat, but the focus of today’s treatment was an 18 year old girl, Rosa, jailed for the past five years and recently released. Rosa’s mother was concerned about her past acts of delinquency and rebellion against the state, and worried about Rosa’s prospects for the future. Hopeful that Dr. Will might set her back upon the right track, Rosa too looked for answers from this guru and sat on a stool on the stage next to her mother and the good doctor, much like on Dr. Will’s widely popular television show.

“Now Rosa, let’s start with explaining to these people,” Will points to the audience, “just how it came about that you got yourself into jail.”

“Well, I was working at the Sean John factory in the maquiladora trying to help my mom pay for my little brother’s school. With my salary of 31 cents an hour, we had enough to afford rice and beans for breakfast and dinner, and still send Jorge to school, but we couldn’t afford water. Since the takeover of the water supply, water cost $12 a week, and that was nearly ¾ of my salary.”

Rosa continued, “I worked 15 hours a day, so by the time I got home at night, it was too late and too dangerous for me to venture down to the river on the other side of town to gather some buckets for our family’s needs. Besides, Juanita was telling me that everyone in town was getting sick from the river water, anyway. It flowed downstream of the Chiquita farm, and the planes come and spray that place nearly every week. Juanita’s brother was born without eyes, and they say it’s from the spray.”

“Rosa, it sounds like Juanita is a fairly negative young woman. You might want to try to get people like that out of your life.” Dr. Will advised.

“Juanita’s my bestest amiga!”

“We can talk about Juanita later, Rosa. Please continue with your story.”

“OK. So anyway, I put our buckets on the roof to collect rainwater so we could drink and clean. Two days later, they came and arrested me.”

“So they put you in jail for collecting the rainwater?” asked Dr. Will, to reiterate the point.


“And who, by rights of state, owned that rainwater?”

“I don’t know. Bechtel or Vivendi or Coca-Cola or some other --.”

“So you admit that you were being a typical rebellious teen, stealing water that wasn’t your own, breaking the law and expecting to get away with it?”

“What? No ….”

“Rosa, girl! You just can’t do that! You just can’t decide what laws you will and will not obey. Don’t you understand that? With rule-breaking, there are consequences. You do understand this, don’t you?”

The crowd applauds.

“Well, yeah…”

“You don’t want to land in jail again, right?”

“No. But—”

“And you want to really be of help to your family now, right?”

“Yeah. But—”

“So let me tell you what I am gonna do for you, Rosa. I’m gonna set you up with Maria here. She’s a local water counselor here in Honduras. She’s an expert in the field of water preservation and did her PhD studies on water deprivation. She’s able to go for five days at a time with no water whatsoever! Would you be willing to accept Maria’s help?”

“I guess…”

Crowd applauds and cheers again.

“And I’m going to give you a free autographed copy of my new book, Will You Just Behave: Who Made You Think You Know What’s Best for You?

The crowd whoops with approval. Another woman saved. Another country liberated.

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