rebelpleb

Washington D.C. - Spurred by a recent string of cases in which famous or powerful Americans in the upper 0.001% socioeconomic bracket have fired projectiles into the faces of other Americans (famous, powerful, or otherwise), the Environmental Protection Agency has been urged to set safety guidelines for similar future cases so Americans will know precisely how much being-shot-in-the-face is actually safe. Among the details in the 746 page Countenance Impact Study (CIS) are levels of safe shot size at particular distances given the gauge of the shotgun in question, number of grains of powder per shell, and wind speed at the time of the occurrence. Surprisingly, most buckshot is still considered safe for the being-shot-in-the-face guidelines, as long as the formulas listed even out across all factors. “Being shot in the face doesn’t have to be unsafe,” says EPA special studies expert Dr. Ralph Remmington. “Even twelve or ten gauge shot guns can have safe distances or powder combination...

10. Growth is good. 9. Globalization helps the poor. 8. Corporations and governments care about people. 7. Scientific progress is beneficial to living things. 6. A degree or diploma confers expertise or wisdom. 5. Money = wealth. 4. There are enough resources to endlessly supply our overconsumptive and wasteful lifestyles. 3. Consumption by the rich does not deprive the poor. 2. Cancer, heart disease, obesity, endocrine syndromes and neurological disorders (Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Multiple Scleroisis, Autism, et al.) are genetically inherited. 1. There is a level at which toxins are OK for living things.

Having liberated most of the developed world with his in-your-face, get-with-the-program therapy, Dr. Will decided to embark upon a quest to offer his unique brand of services to the rest of the globe. He figured that if the North could use his support, the poorer, more desperate South might respond to his aid even more. Dr. Will convinced himself that he was destined to reach all of those in need, considering how well-intended, well-received and well-off he had become in the past few years. First stop: Honduras. The setting for Dr. Will’s reception in this country was a newly constructed outdoor amphitheatre build from native old growth trees from the Amazon just for his visit.  Nearly 3000 people turned out for this makeshift, self-help retreat, but the focus of today’s treatment was an 18 year old girl, Rosa, jailed for the past five years and recently released. Rosa’s mother was concerned about her past acts of delinquency and rebellion against the state, and worried abou...